Baby Brother

I don't know why I'm surprised by my state. It's not as if there wasn't a history of depression, in myself anyway. Certainly, not in our family. But we're not really a family that verbalizes emotions.

My baby brother probably went through a depressive phase in his high school years. He was always angry, getting into trouble at school, fighting, engaging in petty criminal behaviour (there was one time...another story), hanging around "the wrong crowd." The alternative explanation is that he had a mild form ADD. He got bored too easily and was never able to be still. Sitting at a table or desk was a serious challenge met with him doing something which inevitabley got him into trouble.

Despite all the above, he's deeply spiritual. He'll enjoy the beauty of a scene for all that nature has to offer. Only until recently, he believed that he was doomed and bad karma was all he had to look forward to as punishment for his past wrong-doings. But he learnt (through an abridged and illustrated book on the teachings of Buddha) that he could change that and his fate was not set in stone. His ideals regarding parenthood and friendship reveal a depth and maturity beyond his years.

He made a peculiar remark a few years later when he came to visit me to explain his behaviour. "Something happened to me..." That's all he said. And I felt the immensity of his statement. He didn't give details nor do I have reason to believe or be concerned that he was abused. I still don't know what happened.

He's on the straight and narrow having a great time and a full life in Tokyo now. The 24hour sensory overload calms him, I think. He has a real job that he loves and pays extremely well, a girlfriend who wants to marry him, regular weekends away to fulfil his snowboarding passion and all the boy's toys that one would desire . He still enjoys time back in Australia and stocks up on the things he loves - eats three times his weight in meat pies, steaks, seafood and mum's cooking, gets a daily dose of sun and surf and just chills (well, goes fishing, driving, just doin' shit) with his mates.

I love him to bits but I don't know if he knows that. I think he does.

Oh, I've exhausted myself. I was meant to be writing about my own history of being depressed. Another time.