A Country Run By Shaved Monkeys

This country truly is run by shaved monkeys. Administrative staff, payroll, government office workers, telephone operators of banks, gas, electricity boards…the list is endless and I’m excluding Indian call centre operators.

I still receive letters from telephone/gas companies where I have cancelled the account. What part of “No” do they not understand? In a few instances, I’ve cancelled twice. Did I inadvertently cancel my cancellation?

Pay Office were informed weeks in advance that I would have an earlier start date than the usual hospital term. I again reminded them just prior to my start. Being paranoid and distrustful, I contacted them to ensure that I was being paid for my work. No, I was not.

The Postal Redirection have not been able to enter our correct name and address details on each occasion that we have used their service. For God’s sake! I’ve written down the details exactly as they should be – all one has to do is to copy them. I just can’t understand where the difficulty is. What part of the task is causing a problem?

Hello, Council Tax department. We’ve moved. These are the names of the people ie. Thabo and I, who will be residing at this address. Our first council tax demand – “Dear Dunce and Thumbo…”

Hi, Council Tax. It should be T-H-A-B-O and I on the account. "Well, Dunce needs to call us." But Council Tax, Dunce doesn’t live at this address, nor will he, or has ever. What is the point of me letting you know the details of the changes if you’re not going to act on them? "Okay, I’ll changed it to yours and Thabo’s name. Anything else I can help you with today, Ma’am?" Yeah, how about, get a brain?

Hello, Thames Water. We’ve moved. Thabo and I will be residing at this address. Our first Thames Water bill – “Dear Dunce…”

Every day, there is some kind of, even if minor, battle. What concerns me greatly is that professionals aren’t immune to lack of common sense or intelligence. My lawyer exhibits no discernible work pride or is it competence? I paid through the arse to have a professional sort out my HSMP application. I needn’t have. I’ve had to mark up every form that she completed and sent to me for signing. Scarily, she even got my visa category incorrect. Here’s just a list of other things that made me question her abilities:

Commenting on how policy changes through Home Office into chaos. WTF?? Did she mean “threw” Home Office into chaos?

Incorrectly writing my address on separate occasions. You can’t just put the flat number and postcode without the street number; Is she not aware that many flats can occupy the same street?

Printing incorrectly my e-mail address on documents despite corresponding with me via e-mail.

Me having to clarify what she means in each of her e-mails…Thabo, who is a master drafter of contracts had difficulties understanding her. Eg. “You will be invoiced when we have received the completed application.” What? You mean you haven’t received the application I sent you three weeks ago? (She meant, yes, they have received my completed application. They are waiting for HO processing). I still haven’t received my visa-stamped passport but I have been invoiced. So, I’m left wondering if her initial statement was just wind, or if they’ve returned my passport but obviously to the wrong address.

(Arrgh! I irritate myself with all this nit-picking.)

She asked, “What were we going to charge you for our service?” Umm, did she actually mean how much I think she should charge for her service (disservice)?

Unfortunately, she came recommended by a friend. I could see that her purposeful manner and manly booming voice could give the impression of straight-shooting no-nonsense let’s-do-this~ness. The lesbian haircut helped too. I wonder if she could have done a better job if she was a lesbian, ‘cos you know, she’s a woman, I’m a woman. Sisters doin’ it for themselves. Who am I kidding?