Monday, June 26, 2006

Polished Sadness

I don't even really know her. A girl from work with a doll-face and Bambi eyes, seemingly vulnerable and wild at the same time. But for some reason (maybe it was my nosiness and annoying pestering) she shared with me, the details of her personal webpage. Her name is Frankie.

Poor sweet Frankie,

I cried over, “a friend indeed." Not out of sympathy for you but with complete empathy and a selfish joy knowing that I was not alone in my isolation and misery. You should not mistaken the banalities of daily work conversation to be reflective of the individual (well, perhaps some…maybe, many). Our work environment is not conducive to more than gossip and small talk, and with the overabundance of self-importance, it’s hardly surprising that there is little reciprocity in meaningful conversation. It’s taken six months for my self-perceived obtrusiveness to resolve and I still don’t give of myself readily. You may be familiar with feeling that you have much to offer but that which is special about you won’t be or isn’t valued. For me, it’s like having a secret that is precious and fragile; I don’t wish to give it away and have it laughed at or worse still find that what I thought was so precious isn’t even worthy of acknowledgement by others.

Maybe we’re all too consumed by the grudge of our daily lives, too self-absorbed, too introspective to reach out or realize we’re all united by our collective misery.

You are intelligent, talented, beautiful, interesting and interested.

Anderes.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Friends by Unknown Author

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd." I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friend tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye.As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives." He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!" There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.

I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play football on Saturday with me and my friends. He said yes. We hung all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him. And my friends thought the same of him.Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, "Damn boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!" He just laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak.Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than me and all the girls loved him! Boy, sometimes I was jealous.

Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!" He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. "Thanks," he said. As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began."Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach... but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story." I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable."

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's depth. Never underestimate the power of your actions.With one small gesture you can change a person's life.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Current Top 5

SONGS (a fluid top 5)

  1. Soul to Squeeze - RHCP
  2. Hurt - Nine Inch Nails
  3. Where I End and You Begin - Radiohead
  4. I've Been High - REM
  5. Where Could I Go? - Ben Harper and the Blind Boys of Alabama
  6. With or Without You - U2
  7. Unchained Melody - U2
  8. Down Under - Men At Work
  9. In My Place - Coldplay

MOVIES

  1. Donnie Darko
  2. Zoolander
  3. The Gladiator
  4. Ma Vie En Rose
  5. The Deer Hunter

BOOKS

  1. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
  2. Different Seasons - Stephen King
  3. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
  4. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
  5. The Unbearable Lightness of Being - Milan Kundera

PLACES

  1. Sydney
  2. Berlin
  3. Amsterdam
  4. Paris
  5. Venice