Ctrl-Alt-Del

Wish I could will myself out of existence. Recycle bin contents: helplessness, hopelessness, pessimism, guilt, anhedonia and sadness. My depression won't allow me to permanently delete the contents. Can one feel dead and unhappy in the same instant? Besides being tearful, nothing much else was achieved today, unless you call sifting through a mountain of administration, work. And it isn't my fault that registration hasn't gone through. If I wasn't bent over regarding the job, I might not be in such a state.

Some days, this feeling overwhelms me. Like my being is going to cave in on itself with the weight of having to live through this hell any longer.

Thabo and I had a fight last night. He only cares for me and wanted me to go out with him to meet new and interesting people. He doesn't understand that I have nothing to offer, nothing interesting, nothing but venom, hatred and emptiness to share. And the shame of being me. I don't want the world to see me.